Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My legs feel like baby dolphins
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
