I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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