If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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