I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
