Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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