that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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