Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
