I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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