omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
