Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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