he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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