its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
