I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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