hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
