hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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