i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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