i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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