I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
