Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
