Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
