My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
