You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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