I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
two words: eviction party
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
