so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
