remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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