If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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