the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
