my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My vagina just clenched in fear
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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