I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
