haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
