After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
