It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
