you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
