Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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