I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
