I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
