I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
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I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
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Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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