Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
