my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
