There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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