I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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