i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
