You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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