I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you would pick up someone in the library
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
