i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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