At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is it penis luge time yet?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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