My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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