oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
