she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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