i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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