He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
