My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
