Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
