Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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