He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
