He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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