You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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