so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
