its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
