Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
do nipples grow back?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
