If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
