so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
