Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I am spending my child support on dildos
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
