the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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