based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
