There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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