As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
